Acne Awareness Month

I spent a rather large chunk of my week trying to figure out a witty and cute segway to the topic of acne. Alas, it is obvious I have failed. I tried not to over think it and let the conversion start organically but no matter what, I could barely come up with anything. Instead, I ended up running into a severe writers block. This happens every so often when writing papers for class but I can usually bullshit my way out of it. However, this time around, I was facing a writers block generated from fear. June, being acne awareness month, has made me reflect on my own personal battle and truce with acne. 

In honor of the end of Acne Awareness Month, I wanted to share my personal experience. It was difficult writing this post up while knowing I'm going to have to share it too, but I felt like I had a lot to say and share. It's a lengthy piece but I'm hoping it helps.

I had acne from a young age and I was and am the only one in my family that has had such a severe case of it. Being 12 and having to worry about this shit-storm on your face and not having any help just crushes your self-esteem. Naturally, I turned to my Seventeen and CosmoGirl magazines, absorbing all the information I could get on how to deal with my skin and hopefully being a “pretty, normal girl.” I spent a foolish amount of years at the drugstore aisles trying everything I possibly could, thinking that my skin should burn and feel uncomfortable. No one had ever taught me otherwise. I spent a good portion of high school feel insecure and worthless because I could never do enough to have clear skin. I started seeking ways to cover up and distract everyone, and myself, from the scars and bumps. It was really because of my acne that I had any interest in makeup at all. Obviously for the wrong reasons and seeking the wrong things, but when you’re in such a hostile and competitive environment like high school it doesn’t seem like you have any other choice. 

I’ve had acne for the last 10 years and it honestly feels awful, though every acne product commercials makes it seem otherwise. Every company swears they have the secret to beautiful, perfect, bright and clear skin. Every magazine has at one time or another blamed it on your lack of water intake, the food you eat, your workout habits. And though for some people that might be the case, most of the time it isn’t and people forget that this “cure” doesn’t fit all cases of acne. I cannot tell you the countless times I’ve been on the street minding my own business and someone comes up to me and shares their “wisdom and advice” on how to take care of my skin. I’ve heard pretty much everything from “you aren’t drinking enough water,” “you should eat better and workout,” to “have you every tried Proactive?” But my favorite goes to a lady who stopped me in the middle of the street and asked me if I knew how to wash my face. I can’t even make this up, I came home and cried. People forget that the “flaws” they point out are things you already know and beat yourself up about-enough times for everyone. 

It wasn't until my first semester in college, when I started working at a company who focused on providing beauty products with superior ingredients, that I really thought about what I was putting on my face. It was then that I was introduced to the power of natural skincare. Being the junkie I am, I tried everything they had to offer, and for once in my life I saw a change in my skin. After a year, I then decided to see a dermatologist and see what would benefit my skin on a more scientific recommendation. I learned that my acne was caused by a vast amount of blackheads and clogged pores under my skin. My dermatologist suggested cleaning out my skincare routine, the one I worked so hard to perfect, and switch to an oil-free formula. Now, you can go around blaming my ego but from someone who has a rather large and useless amount of knowledge on the powers of oils, this didn’t sit well with me. However, I decided to continue to go there thinking that she know my skin better then me because she’s a doctor. I was not happy with how my skin felt, looked, the products (creams and pills) she made me take but I was waiting for this imaginary morning, in which I wake up and my skin would be clear and glowing. That morning never came and I knew I needed to follow my gut and leave when she suggested I take Acutane. Sorry, not sorry but that was not happening. 

Since then my skin has continued to improve as I have slowly figured out what works for my skin. It has to some extent been very relieving for me and my self-esteem. I think that at some point you just lose hope and try to make amends with the fact that people will always stop you in the middle of the street and point at you like you’re a creation of Frankenstein. Though the experience and the struggle of coming to peace with this skin condition is difficult and the idea of building your confidence seems impossible, it is very much possible. Through the years I have learned to listen to my gut and my body. Not listening to anyone else (magazines, strangers, doctors) forced me to listen to my body and learn that red, dry, itchy, or painful skin was NOT a sign that a highly coveted product was working. It also made me love beauty, which always sounds so vain but in fact I believe it to be empowering. So if you’ve read this saga of mine to the end, thank you. I hope you have found some sort of connection and realized that you’re great the way you are. No one’s words can hurt you unless you let them, so don’t listen and don’t let them get you down. At the end of the day you are more then just your skin and appearance.